Thursday, 15 January 2009

Mommy, where do babies come from?

I don't understand why parents see fit to lie to their children about one of the most natural occurences in life.

(Other natural occurences include bowel movements, peeing in the bush and spending all your money in sales).

I for one, am already prepared in the event that I produce offspring and that one of them is fortunate enough to be lucid.

I have my answer all planned. I will not lie to my progeny, I wish to be a good mother. I will bite the bullet and explain the truth to my child.

Child: Mommy, where do babies come from?
Me: Well, my dearly beloved, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very, very much, they go to the Prefectural Office and fill out some forms and pay stamp duty and wait nine months.
Then, after nine months they go to the hospital where the stork drops off the brand new baby!

See? It wasn't so hard, parents, don't lie to your innocent Babes in the wood. Tell them the truth!


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Anonymous said...

Why don't you write about "other natural things" like making doodies in the bush?

I hope you don't like kids. I don't like kids and we WON'T get along if YOU like kids.

BTW- Stay away from that "Kadhine" guy. He THINKS he like you more than me, but he's wrong. No one NO ONE can understand the bond that we have.


JijiN3k0 said...

I think that's a good explanation. How old does the child have to be to tell him/her that.

Anoneemuz, you're sick dude. You need to take some pills.

AND Kadhine is a FEMALE. It seems that you have difficulty telling genders apart.

Are you a hermaphrodite?

Kadhine said...

Mr. Anoneemuz,

I will have you know that I AM a female! When I come to your place to pick up the teeth you are supposed to be whittling for me, I will prove it to you.

By the way, are you done with the teeth yet? I am waiting. I am also waiting for u to give me your address so I can collect it.

I hope you not one of those sick old coots who just lurk around online making empty promises too women and invent talents to rope them into conversations.

If you are not able to make the teeth, then let me know. If you can actually do it then


Frooples & Froopert said...

What's the matter, the support group not working? Your spelling has disintegrated before my very eyes.

For your information, no, I am not fond of children. I do however love animals.

What are "doodies"? I don't really understand you you know. Is English your first language?

Also, please stop making disparaging remarks about the fellow commentors (how to spell that?).

And I don't appreciate you conducting business transactions on a blog that isn't yours.

I hope u are working on your big butt.
'Cause you know I don't like men with large posteriors.


Anonymous said...

I don't know what you are talking about, I do not whittle! I have a law degree! Why the hell ld I be whittling wood? AND for your information, MY MOTHER GAVE ME THAT NAME!!! Anoneemuz is my name, you got a problem with that?

I'm not commenting or reading your boring, unfunny blog anymore! I thought I found the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but apparently I am too young and educated for you! You prefer old wooden toothed whittling men!

I don't love you anymore Frooples... I hope some day you will be able to get over me too.

Anonymous said...

Hello Frooples,

Please forgive me. I am so very sorry. I n't know what came over me. I still love you. DO you still love me? If you want me to whittle teeth, I'll whittle teeth. I still don't know why you are asking ME to whittle teeth but I will do anything for you.

Do you want me to remove my teeth and replace them with wood? And also change my name? I WILL DO ANYTHING. Please forgive me.

Yours FOREVER and ever,
Charles Ruthven Oliver Benjamin Anoneemuz Hansen (The Third).

Anonymous said...

BTW, Jijineko, you are not as pretty as Froople so you should not put up a picture and doodies is the same as poop but I was trying to be PC. What's a Hermaphrodite? Is it a fear of Aphrodite? If it is then yes, I am a hermaphrodite because Aphrodite creeps me out.

English is my first language while I also speak French, Italian, Portuguese, German, Thai and of course, Yoruba.

Frooples my dear heart, I am so honoured that you are asking more questions about me. It warms my heart to know that you want to get to know me better. I also think a long courtship is best.

Forever yours,
Charles Anoneemuz Hansen (The Third)

Abi said...

Lol ok all yuh nuts. The topic is about where babies come from. Charles Anoneemuz (The Third) are you planning to hate kids forever? If so, get a life that does not involve bothering poor frooples. Right froopert?

Kadhine said...

I agree with Abi, Mr Anoneemuz has issues, but I already promised not to get in any more fights with him, so I'll stay quiet from now on.

Anonymous said...

Dear Abi, please mind your own business. You do not know the bond which Frooples and I share. I don't have anything against you personally but you should not get involved because I have been in a love triangle before and I can tell you that it does not work.

So I'm sorry but all this flattery and trying to keep me away from Frooples will not work. Not again. I have learned my lesson and Frooples is the l=one I love. I hope you are not too broken up about it Abi.

@ Frooples, did you miss me today? I was giving a lecture so I could not use the library computer all day. It was very frustrating. I hope you reply to me soon. I will be waiting patiently.